It's raining here today - wind is howling, ocean has whitecaps and I have a big pot of chicken vegetable soup on the stove. Later I will add some grains and cooked chicken to the pot and it will be ready for Marty when he gets home tonight. The house smells fantastic.

Hospital stays really suck. I had another 4 day stay last week. Came home at 10 p.m. on Friday - the minute they let me go I was running for the cab. I had tests and fluids and lots of potassium which I still take every day. I started a new medication when I got home - it causes me to pass out. Can't be good, right?

My first night home and Lulu, my cat, jumped up and laid down on top of me. She slept in the bed next to me all that night and most nights since then and she doesn't leave my side during the day. Cats know when people are sick - I believe that.

Food shopping on Monday to replenish the household. I bought lots and lots so that I wouldn't have to do it again for a long time. I also got lots of whole grains and vegetables to keep Marty and E. healthy while they go into the busy season at their jobs.

My goals for the month are to build my strength back up so I can do my tai chi and meditate daily. Anything beyond that is just gravy.

At some point with a chronic condition like this you have to decide whether to keep fighting against it or give over to it. I think I am ready to give myself over to it. It's obvious that this is not leaving my life so I have to find a way to make peace and life with it.